Chocolate.

Something has just occurred to me that makes me feel pretty darn stupid. Well…stupider than usual anyway.

I have insomnia. I have always had insomnia but from time to time, and especially around this time of year, it gets worse. I don’t sleep much at all. In some ways I am used to it, it’s been going on most of my life but tired is tired and lately, it’s been the even more evil kind of insomnia. No pills, natural or otherwise seem to help. Meditation, relaxation techniques, chamomile tea, my insomnia laughs at these. And this is, and I am speaking from experience here, a psychological issue. There is no real medical reason that is the problem. And while everyone else is complaining about the heat, I have found the nights to be the perfect sleeping temperature…if I could sleep.

So…here’s the tie in that made me realize that I am stupid. Aside from having insomnia on and off most of my life, I have also had migraines. The thing is, when I was a kid, I didn’t have the language to express what I was feeling and I could only really tell my mom or the doctor that I had a bad headache. It was put down to allergies (which are my primary trigger) and I was given meds for them that I did not like and eventually would not take (they made me dizzy and ill, the pain was better than the painkiller). As an adult, I finally had the language to explain what was going on and lo and behold, not crazy, just migraine-y. But now I know and I can combat them, stop them, or ride them out without fear of…well, whatever one fears with a headache.

So, the insomnia, I was just reading a little about magnesium and particular supplements that may help with a lot of things…one of them being difficulty sleeping. Also that magnesium, which aids in the relaxation of nerves and muscles, is depleted when one is under stress.

Um…turns out. I am stressed. Heh. Look, I know that there is stress in my life, but generally I look at it as stuff that has to be taken care of before I can relax. I don’t really think of it as stress because it’s just the stuff that needs to get done. Aaaaaaand another word for “stuff that needs to get done” is…? Oh…stressors.

Stupid. But now that I can look at the stuff that needs to get done and the effects that said stuff is having on me, I think I can finally get my head around it as “stress” and respond to it appropriately. Yes, yes, I knew there was stress, I just didn’t understand how it was actually affecting me. I knew that when the bedroom was redecorated and all the new furniture was out of the living room and the old furniture was out of the house, I would be happier but you know, it’s furniture! What’s there to get stressed about? Oh, those giant boxes blocking every pathway in my living room? That floor that needs vacuuming but the vacuum is in the closet that is blocked by the boxes? The printer that needs to be printing out cards and such for comic con that is trapped between two other giant boxes? That long trip that is going to be hard work…just before your job demands you to be cheerful, flexible and in the public eye? Right. I get it now, that’s not called life…that’s called stress.

More meditation, more magnesium, more printing and cleaning and hopefully sleep will follow, now that I get it. Dur.

Also…more chocolate. Chocolate has magnesium in it. Seriously.