Action.

Ahhhh, is there anything better than the long weekend? Well sure, world peace, calorie free cupcakes that taste good and longer than long weekend breaks, but let’s be realistic here. For my long weekend I am…I don’t know…hmmmm. Well, since our 9th wedding anniversary was on Wednesday and we decided that instead of giving each other gifts we would buy some new stuff for our apartment, we do need to go find a new lamp for the living room, a buffet for the dining room and possibly a new coffee table, or a pantry cabinet or storage for the bedroom…one of the three. So that’s…not very exciting at all.

WE might could go to the movies (heh…”might could”…I learned that in North Carolina) but really? The movies on a long weekend? The weekend when Pirates opens, I don’t think so. Oh and for the record, I am a casual fan of the Pirates franchise. I really like the first movie and I was happy enough to see the second because hey, Bill Nighy is always awesome, but I really am not a big fan of the ride. I once got stuck in the part right by the prison scene for about 40 minutes. Right by the sleeping pirate. You know, the one that looked like he was getting a blow job from the pig? I think that they have since moved the pig over a bit but I can tell you that after 40 minutes of sitting there listening to “Yo-ho-Yo-ho” and the pirates in the cell whistling for the dog…I lost an awful lot of love for that ride. I do, however, adore one Mr. Geoffrey Rush and it makes me very happy to see that he is back as Captain Barbossa…but I probably still won’t go see the movie, I never do.

Ah but my love for Captain Barbossa…hey, have I ever told you about my action figure collection?

Wait…don’t go! It’s not that nerdy!

Seriously, I do have an action figure collection but it’s whimsical and clever, I swear! Really.

Let me tell you how it started. See, years ago, I went to see Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves a movie I cannot recommend. Except…I can. Somehow I had missed a little film that came out about three years earlier…a little blip of a movie called something like Die Hard. So I wasn’t exposed to a certain British actor that I now love so dearly until the travesty that is the nightmare of Kevin Costner NOT EVEN FAKING a British accent.

Anyway. I immediately became smitten with Alan Rickman and since the movie was this big thing because it had that crappy American actor in it, there was a lot of Robin Hood merchandise around. When I came across the Sheriff of Nottingham action figure, I had to have it. Here was a mini version of the character that made a bad movie worth watching. A tiny pocket sized representation of a fine and brilliant British actor who somehow made everything he touched a little classier. How cool is that?

So I had this action figure and I kept it for years and years, mint in package, on my shelf but I didn’t really think anything of it…until one day this movie called Mystery Men was announced. By this time I was heavily involved in the dark world of comics and toys and all their evil accoutrement and it struck me that here was a movie with one of my other favorite, older, stately, gentlemanly actors (Geoffrey Rush!!) and there was a very real chance that I would be able to get an action figure of his character, Casanova Frankenstein. How cool was THAT? Very cool. And then I realized that the actors I like, the kind of British-y, Australian-y, over-educated seeming guy that appeals to me, makes a very unlikely action figure and that I should really start a campaign to get action figures of them all.

And thus began my quest. It has modified itself from my original mission and that Casanova Frankenstein figure was never actually produced. And it would take another four years for Rush to play a role that would produce a kid’s toy, but it did eventually happen. And that’s the charm of this particular collection. As much as I would like a Marquis de Sade action figure from the movie Quills, that just isn’t going to happen. Since the appearance of the Captain Barbossa figurine, my quest has faltered. But I did FINALLY get my Geoffrey Rush figure. I think I may have actually finished my collection but just when I think that, I am tempted back. Some great actor will announce that he is playing a role in the latest comic book car-wreck and I realize that I could possibly have…say…a Peter O’ Toole action figure (not really but I would love one of those).

But come on, did you ever really think that there would be a Jeff Goldblum action figure? Well there are actually two, one for Independence Day and one for Jurassic Park. And speaking of Jurassic Park, there’s a movie that provided my second favorite action figure, Roland Tembo, as played by Pete Postlethwaite, and how about Jean Reno? As much as I would have liked a Leon action figure (I think there might actually be one now), I did actually get the Godzilla version of this fine Frenchman.

In the past few years, pop-culture marketing has caught up with me. The first “hip” action figures I saw were the Reservoir Dogs figures. And although that provides me with Tim Roth, Harvey Kitel and Steve Buscemi figures, I have yet to succumb. It kind of takes the fun out of the quest.