It’s not the heat…it’s the stupidity!

I know, I know. Everyone is talking about how hot it’s been. It’s not all that clever of me to add to the noise but I have photographic evidence that California just sucks.

That was taken at about 4 in the afternoon. It later read 113°. And the upper number? That’s how bloody hot it was inside the apartment…with the air on. Yeech. Under normal circumstances, I would say that 82.9° is pleasant. But it just didn’t seem cool enough this weekend. On the up side of things though…. when you have to go to the bathroom in 113° heat, returning to the relative coolness of 82.9° is a joy.

The problem with California is that it’s dry heat. And I hear all you east coast people saying “Yeah! It’s dry heat! We have the humidity, which makes it much worse.” And clearly, the only people silly enough to say that are people who have never stood outside in 113° heat. Your lips dry to parchment the moment you step across the threshold of your moderately air conditioned house. Your eyeballs shrivel up in their sockets like raisins and you swear you can feel your lungs turn to dust from the first gasp. Look, I know humidity is unpleasant; I lived on the east coast for a long, long time. But my skin was never this dry on the east coast. I never had melted tar stick my shoes to the pavement. Well, to be fair, I did once run across the street to the beach on a hot day and got second-degree burns on my feet on the east coast. But I don’t even dare walk barefoot around here.

Hot is hot. Humid or dry. When it gets above 90° it’s miserable. The end.