Look, I make an effort to be pleasant here. No, really, I do, you should see how unpleasant I am off-line. But I really try to avoid the rants. But I gotta rant today. I am sorry. If you aren’t in the mood for some (self) righteous indignation, turn away now. But if you really want to know how to make my blood boil…read on.
Last night my husband got a call from a friend. The two of them had been out of touch for years and they have only recently gotten back together. In fact, in the 11 years we have been together, I have seen this guy once. So that just shows you how close they are, in other words, not very. So the husband is talking on the phone, I am cooking dinner and I go to ask him how many eggs he would like with his French toast. We had French toast and strawberries for dinner. It was good. Anyway, he tells his friend that he has to go and then I hear him say, “What do you mean, “why?” and I yell, jokingly, “Because it is late and his wife wants to eat dinner!” then the guy asks to talk to me.
So this is how the conversation goes:
“Hey dude, how are you?”
“Good, but how are you and your husband doing?”
“We’re good. Thanks”
“Um…yeah, as far as I know.”
“So when are you going to have a baby?”
“No? What do you mean no? No babies? You should have a baby!”
“I am not having this discussion with you. No. I am cooking dinner and I have to go.”
“Wait. I think you should have a baby. And name him after me. Have a baby.”
“I am hanging up now. Bye.”
(Actually, it was a little longer and more aggressive on his part.)
Now…why, you ask does this make me so angry? Because HE DOESN’T KNOW ME! How rude a question is that to ask when you have no idea of a person’s situation? Very rude. I don’t accept it from my mother, my aunts or any other member of the family. I don’t accept it from friends so why would I accept it from a dude I have seen once in the TWENTY years I have known my husband? What if I have lost babies? What if I have reproductive issues? What if I desperately want a baby but can’t afford it? Or perhaps I don’t want a baby at all. Maybe I just don’t like them. What gives anyone the right to ask such a question and then INSIST on answers?
My husband says “Oh he’s just being nice, he doesn’t mean anything by it”, but that’s not really the point. If I demand that the government keep out of my knickers, then I think it’s safe to say that I also demand that of casual acquaintances.
It may seem like a little thing to most people but to me it’s a peeve. And not a pet peeve unless that pet is a roaring, rabid, starving mountain lion. Don’t ask women about their reproductive choices unless you are their partner or doctor. Just don’t. It’s none of your damn business and I really think it’s rude and cruel. Do I take it so personally for a reason? you ask. Not really, I just want people to think about what comes out of their mouths. You wouldn’t ask a virtual stranger when they were finally going to get around to that nose job, would you? Or if they were doing anything to treat that acne? Or how about how much pain they are in now that they have lost their mother? No, you wouldn’t. At least I hope you wouldn’t…
OK, sorry, done. I had to get that off my chest. It just makes me crazy. Well…crazier, I suppose.