I was talking to a soon to be married friend and tormenting her with the idea of the oh-so-cheezy barrista at our local Starbucks as her bachelorette stripper which started this whole thing about…strippers. Male strippers. And how they are…well, you know. Maybe it’s just me. I mean, I haven’t seen all that many male strippers, or all that many female strippers for that matter. I just don’t really have all that much interest. There are better places I could be stuffing my one-dollar bills as far as I am concerned. And hey, if you are going to dance on that same table that is holding my beer, dance carefully and consider yourself warned. I like my beer more than I like naked people.
But hey, it’s a living. I don’t care if you take your clothes off. And I guess it’s all just to each his own but...well…look, I have known some firemen. I don’t really care to see their “hoses” if you get my not-so-subtle drift. And the same with policemen, they can just keep their "nightsticks" sheathed, you know? I just don’t get the stereotypical fantasies. Sure, sure, authority figures and all. Construction workers? Well, I guess the idea of a man who can fix stuff is appealing but I think he should probably keep his clothes on while he's rewiring my apartment so that I can make toast and coffee at the same time, don’t you? And the one that most confuses me…the telephone repairman. What? Am I the only person who doesn’t get that one?
“But…but...”, you say, “But then what kind of stripping theme WOULD appeal to a girl of your ilk?” And I have to say, I just don’t know. I’ve established that I don’t really care for the public servant idea, and you know, the pizza guy thing…yeah, I don’t want anyone naked that close to my dinner. And for his own sake...hot cheese, man, hot cheese! What do I like? Well, I like a man who can cook but again…I’d rather he not be that close to my food. I like poetry but a stripping English professor…yeah, that’s totally not going to work. I am totally impressed by men with mad computer skillz but…well, I don’t know, maybe it would be cute to see him whip his horn rims and i.d. badge off. Yeah, maybe not. Or how about the aloof d.j .stripper? He could take off his clothes while he works the decks (is that how you say that, I don’t know, I’m not that cool) although I suspect the aloof d.j. stripper is really only interested in getting naked so he can admire himself.
All right, all right…I could conceivably be interested in a Batman stripper, but only if he had the good Batman costume, not the TV Batman costume. Or maybe the Doc Ock stripper…hey… he’s got 8 arms to help him undress…at least it would be entertaining. Oh. Hey. Hellboy. Or Wolverine…
Managing geek strippers…I think I have found my new calling.
Sad, isn’t it?