In search of...

I am not very big on the idea of “perfection”…obviously. In fact, it just took me three times to type that sentence because it kept coming our “I am not bog on the idea odf perfection…okbviously”. But I did bother to fix it, not for the sake of perfection but for the sake of readability. I honestly don’t believe in perfection of any type, but I still search for it. Some people search for it in nature, but nature is as imperfect as everything else. Some people search for it in themselves, seeking to improve their bodies, their minds, their souls. Me, I look for it in three things. Eyeliner, handbags and shoes. And so far…well, let’s just say we are getting closer but we aren’t there yet.

I need the perfect eyeliner. I have been looking for years, wasting money and time and hazarding serious eye infections along the way. I have tried pencils and liquids and gels and even an “eyeliner sealant” which is almost as scary as it sounds. I have blended with brushes and sponges and fingers. My eyes have been lined in blue, green, purple, gray, black, bronze, gold and brown. And pink…and burgundy. I like the gold best but I generally retreat to brown because it tends to last longer. I want something that will make my eyes glisten and dance. In a good way. Not a crazy way. I have tried high-end make-up and drugstore make-up and what may well have been a briquette of charcoal in pencil form. But none of them are perfect enough. In fact, I am not sure that any of them have even come close to perfection. I keep looking. I will keep looking until I am blinded by all the chemicals that have slid into my eyes from all these concoctions.

And the handbag? It needs to be the right size, more oblong than long, more east west than north south, if you know those handbag design terms. It needs to have a zipper, because although that may not be the most beautiful fastener for a hand bag it is, let’s face it, the smartest, things don’t slide out and sneaking hands don’t get in. It needs some pockets inside for cell phones and mp3 players and the like, but not so many pockets as to lose things in. And it needs to be a neutral enough color to go with everything but happy and bright enough for me to want to carry it. It should fit a book and a wallet and all the various things of day to day life (eye drops, compact, notebook, 3 pens, painkillers, tampons and a pair of socks if necessary) but never feel heavy and the straps should be long enough to go over my shoulder, possibly even across my chest if my hands are full, but not so long as to drag on the ground when carried in hand. This bag…it does not actually exist, but I keep the hope alive.

The shoes...don’t even get me started on the shoes.

I seek perfection. But only in the things I need everyday. Who needs a perfect body when they can’t carry around the stuff needed to maintain it? Who needs a perfect soul if the eyes that can’t be properly lined in a beautiful color that won’t wear out after an allergy attack and a few tears over a spilled coffee, are the window to that soul? Why seek perfection in myself if I can’t find a damn pair of shoes that I like?