Valium-tines.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again, Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. Not in a big way or anything. I don’t go all out. I make some cards, I buy some cards. Whatever. I just like it. Red is my favorite color, I like hearts, I like chocolate so, you know, it all goes together.

I usually make my own Valentines for friends and family so don’t give me your bitter “Hallmark Holiday” rant. I don’t want diamonds or roses. I just like all the red hearts…and maybe a chocolate bar. I have done some pretty nice cards in the past (but this year I actually purchased one from an indie vendor), sometimes watercolors, sometimes cut paper, sometimes photos…all kinds of things really. And I enjoy it. But my favorite ever Valentine that I gave, that was years ago. And sadly, not to the man I married. And even sadder, the boy I gave it to…didn’t really “get” it. But it made me laugh. It still does. See I carefully painted 12 different kinds of noses. Long noses, snub noses, freckled noses, puppy noses, you get it, and I mounted them on long green stems, wrapped them with florist tape and gave them all lovely green leaves. Then I arranged them in a vase and added a little baby’s breath and proudly presented my valentine with one dozen long stemmed noses.

Well, I thought it was funny.

The one person I know who would have loved that valentine is my husband. But since I had already used that joke on an ill-fated romance, I couldn’t use it on him. Instead, I once sent him a “big ol’ box of looooove” filled to the brim with bad puns and candy. There was a candle with the note about the flames of love, matches with a note that said “I burn for you!”, a coffee cup with a note that said “I love your mug,” tea bags that said “You’re just my cup of tea.” Every bad joke I could think of right down to the penny with the note saying “Don’t ever change. You just make cents the way you are.” (OK, some days I do regret telling him that…). And in return he gave me one of my favorite valentines ever.

It was a Dr. Scholl’s shoe insert cut into the shape of a heart.

That’s right. He gave me his “heart insole.” (Get it?)

There’s a reason I love him sometimes.