Baskets.

Technically, this is not my story to tell. It’s gotten to the point where it is almost and urban legend amongst people that I know from school. But I did know the guy who did it and the girl it happened to and every year, around this time, I remember and laugh.

The story was that this football player in my high school had once broken his sister’s nose. It was Easter and they had each gotten a basket full of candy. The sister was particularly fond of chocolate bunny ears and was threatening to eat the ears off her brother’s chocolate rabbit. He told her that if she did he would break her nose. I suppose it helps to know that he was this kind of hulking dude and she was a dainty cheerleader type. Well, he left the room and came back to find the bunny’s ears missing. So, he did indeed, haul back and break his sister’s nose. Turns out, it was his mother who ate the rabbit’s ears.

OK fine, not a great story but a great example of…something. Personally, it is one of my examples of “Easter baskets are dangerous.” The only other example I have of that is the time I kept stealing the malted eggs from my boyfriend’s Easter basket. He got really mad and yelled at me to stop it. I waited until he left the room and then stole one more for good measure and just to be a brat. I was sucking on it (the egg, don’t get creepy) when he walked back into the room and in a desperate attempt to not get caught, I sucked the malted egg, the one the exact shape and size of my windpipe, into my throat.

He just watched as I gave myself the Heimlich maneuver and then said, with great disdain and disgust, “I TOLD you not to steal my eggs.”

Damn the Easter Bunny and all his chocolaty evil.