Started off with a cheery call to my mom at 9:15 am to tell her we were leaving L.A. so that she could help them with an estimated time of death when they found the bodies.
Drove for 5 hours before giving the wheel to partner. Slept. Awakened by rain. Felt slight bit of sympathy for driver. Fell back asleep. Awakened by freezing rain. Worried for a moment before falling back asleep. Awakened by partner swearing. Observed vision-obscuring snow. Fell back asleep.
Eventually ended up in bad Econo-Lodge, had good dinner and fell asleep to the fitful strains of partner moaning about sandwich and dying.
Insisted upon driving south “out of the weather” to Phoenix where we could possibly jump on the 10 “just to see” and then we could head back to L.A. in defeat. Held the wheel steady, entered the 10 and refused to turn off until partner was convinced that we would make it safely to NJ.
Made it to Van Horne, TX. I don’t want to talk about it.
Ate dinner in only restaurant in town. They were obsessed with Jesus and John Madden and in fact had a mural of a giant Jesus overlooking the restaurant and John Madden painted on the wall. Were asked to leave after offering to add Godzilla to mural.
Left Van Horne muy rapido. Made it to Shreveport in the rain. Ate in a Cracker Barrel. Got a luxurious hotel room because after two previous hotel rooms thought we would be murdered in the shower. Partner wanted to reserve the right to murder me for himself.
Arrived in Huntsville one hour too late to see brother and nephew. Waited in car for sister-in-law to arrive home from airport. Made neighbors nervous.
Met ¾ of the Avoidance Central clan and hung out for a bit. Remind me to tell you how I have not gotten in trouble with not one but TWO teenage girls.
Slept in nephew’s room and moved everything one half inch to the right. Also may have hidden some cheese and eggs. Not saying.
Screwed up alarm and woke up a bit late. Looked at pile of presents that needed to be packed into already full car. Cried a bit. Crammed presents into every available space and then apologized to husband for attempting to cram a train set up his…no, no…just kidding.
Drove to Norfolk. In the rain. Uphill. In the fog. Cried a little.
Late breakfast with brother-in-law and sister-in-law and kids. Saw step-nephew for first time in ten years. Got in car. Drove some more (Partially underwater!!! Gotta love the Chesapeake Bay Bridge and Tunnel).
Drove forty…five…miles…per…hour…arrived at Stuckey’s for a bad sandwich. Got back in car and drove forty…five…miles…per…hour.
Arrived in NJ in time for favorite dinner with family.
Unpacked car with help of brother and nephew.
Drove to liquor store.
Drove to midnight madness comic book sale…what? Why are you looking at me like that?
Came home, brushed my teeth and stayed up late talking with my brother.
It was supposed to be a four-day drive. It wasn’t. But actually it was good.
Return trip breakdown to follow including exciting tales of meat-eating babies and burned out headlights!!!!