You're not invited...neither am I.

Shamelessly stolen from Fond of Snape who has excellent taste in Hogwart’s professors.

1. Guest one must be someone who is/was creative with words - a novelist, poet, playwright, essayist, journalist, etc. Who would you invite?

Hmmm, gotta say, I am torn between my beloved China Miéville, Douglas Adams and Tom Stoppard. Who to choose? Who to choose? They are are such smart guys and hopefully, smart guys make good conversation. And they have some pretty interesting theories on…stuff…and junk. Hmmmm…I am going to go with Tom Stoppard on this one, mostly because he’s my current flavor of the month. His new plays have been making the rounds and I’ve been reading a lot of articles about him and…I think I am in love. Such a quick mind. He’ll have to go outside to smoke though, I don’t actually mind but it’s not nice to smoke at the dinner table.

2. Guest two must be someone who is/was creative with images - a painter, photographer, sculptor, fabric artist, collage artist, etc. Who would you invite?

Mark Ryden. I know very little of Mark Ryden beyond his art. But his art…well, it’s something to see. I have the feeling that he might actually be the kind of guest that just lurks there at the end of the dinner table, picking at his food and not saying much until you are just at that point, you know the one, where you are tired of hosting a dinner party and at least one of your guests is waaaay too drunk and getting all annoying and grabby and suddenly, from that other end of the table, the shy one starts to hold forth on literature and art and tells some great joke and a really funny story about the time he was working on this thing and this famous guy came in and…ok, I could be wrong, but that’s just my feeling of Mark Ryden. But I really like his art. So he’s invited to my imaginary dinner too.

3. Guest three must be someone who is/was a performer - an actor, singer, musician, comedian, acrobat, etc. Who would you invite?

Eddie Izzard. Oh hell yes Eddie Izzard. Funny, sexy, smart and he has nice shoes. He’s got an opinion and I bet he’s like to tell you about it. And somehow, I think the fact that he could show up in a dress makes it all the better. I wouldn’t care either way though. I just like him. And wouldn’t it be cool if Mark Ryden wanted to paint him. Eddie Izzard looks like he would fit right in a Ryden painting.

4. Guest four must be someone who is charting/charted new territory - either in the physical sense, like an explorer, adventurer, or astronaut, or someone like a groundbreaking scientist or inventor. Who would you invite?

Gregor Mendel. I don’t know why. I have long had a fondess for ol’ Gregor. I remember learning about him in 7th grade science class and for some reason he just stuck. I have some small interest in genetics but no great scientific thing, it just interests me and Gregor seems like a nice guy. I don’t know what he would make of Eddie though. I suspect Tom Stoppard might have a good conversation with him too. I don’t know why I think that but I do. And for some reason I have always loved the drawings of peas that accompany every story about Gregor Mendel.

5. Guest five must be someone who is/was a leader of other people - perhaps in the area of politics, like the literal leader of a country, or perhaps a leader in the area of religion, military, business, or even a great philosopher or teacher, or an inspiring athlete. Who would you invite?

I am picking one of my former college professors for this one. It seems like a totally cheesy and contrived move (Hunh, the auto spell check just corrected my cheezy with a z to a cheesy with an s...Bastard. Spelled that right, didn’t I?) but he really is a very interesting guy. I won’t actually use his name because the last thing he needs is to know that I sing his praises. He is a history professor and fan of literature and the only college professor I know of that had Monty Python’s Holy Grail as required viewing. He also had a poster of Rasputin in his office, which I thought was funny (he did not, however have a beard down to his knees). But that gives you some idea of his sense of humor.

6. Guest six must be someone from any field who you believe is/was underrated and under-appreciated by most people, but whom you admire. Who would you invite?

I think I can sneak Douglas Adams in here as an underrated philosopher or computer guy, so there’s one of my first picks back in the game.

7. Guest seven is a wild card - your choice! Is there someone you'd like to invite who didn't seem to quite fit into any category, or was there a category where you'd have really liked to invite two different people? Then this is your chance to add the person you missed to the table. Who would you invite?

Ooh, I can get China in too! This works out perfectly. Now I have everyone I want at my party…except some women. And people that I actually know. And people that I could talk to without being intimidated. I think I just planned a party to which I wouldn’t actually be invited. Damn.

Bonus: Uh Oh! The dinner party is just about to end, all your guests are about to disappear, and you realize that you've forgotten to ask one important question of one of your guests. You just barely have time to squeeze in that last question, so quick! - what was the question and who did you ask?

Wait! Wait! What did I serve for dinner? Did Douglas Adams get along with my history professor or did he fight with Gregor Mendel over the creation of the universe (Mendel was a monk, Adams was an atheist), did Mark Ryden eat his meat or did he paint it? Did Eddie Izzard and China Miéville sit in the corner and talk trash about the rest of us? Did Tom Stoppard like the dessert or was it too sweet? I have so many questions…