So, the President of the United States came to Los Angeles. Los Angeles, a city renowned for it’s transportation problems. The city with the most trafficked and traffic heavy freeways in the United States. The city where he SHUT DOWN THE MAJOR THRUWAYS AT RUSH HOUR LAST NIGHT! Yeah, jerk…OH, wait… HE DID IT AGAIN THIS MORNING!
Fine, the most important man in the United States, whatever. But I don’t get paid if I don’t get to work. And that’s just me. What about the gazillion other people that I was on the road with? Jeez, if you want me to spend money to boost the flagging economy, let me get to work and make money so I can spend it!
Anyway, so, while stuck in traffic I was thinking about the first female president. And the implications, they scared me. Not because she will be a she. I think that’s just fine. In fact, I am not sure it will make that big a difference as the political landscape will still weigh heavily towards male and although the president gets to do a lot of special important things, it still takes a bunch of other people to get it done…and most of them are boys.
What scared me is that, well…some things are just easier for boys. I mean, yeah, people said that John Kerry looked like Frankenstein. But they also said he was “ruggedly handsome”. But remember when Hillary was first lady? Remember how the newspapers, ALL the newspapers, even the respected ones followed her every haircut? Look, a guy has a bad hair day and he can pretty much rub some gel in it and look boyish and tousled. A woman has a bad hair day and she looks unkempt. A guy, well, he can wear a blue suit and yeah, maybe he makes a bad tie choice but he’s a guy, they don’t do fashion. But will a female president ever be able to go out of the White House in jeans? And mind you, the women that will be stepping up to the plate, while very intelligent, are also not hip young things. They aren’t even suburban soccer moms (you should see the soccer moms around here, HOOTCHIE MAMAS!). So we’re not talking the kind of woman who can wear low-slung flairs from the gap with a cute little v-neck sweater. We’re talking mom jeans and one of those shiny patterened track suits, aren't we?
It’s one thing to wear Dolce and Gabbana at a State Function but for the day-to-day drudgery of government work it’s pretty much the basic suit for women, which we all know is not really all that flattering no matter what fabulous designer makes it for you. Look, when it comes to clothes and hair, dudes just have it easier. We give them a pass on it too. Oh look, he’s all rumpled…he must be busy! But are we going to give that same pass to a woman? Oh hell no! She better look pressed and perfect if she’s going to be our president! She's better not only bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, she better look good doing it! You know what would be cool though? Like a total June Cleaver look for the president. Let’s see the conservatives complain about that one!
OK, so I’ve gotten a little off topic, yeah, whatever. It just occurred to me that the first female president (well, you know, the first ACKNOWLEDGED female president, you know there have been plenty of first ladies that were running the show from behind the curtains…oh, you know it's true!) is going to have to contend with so much more stupid stuff than any male. Not that that is different from any other woman, but no one has to see my bad hair day on the front page. Or those really bad shoes I wore yesterday, what was I thinking?
But all I really want is a president who is smarter than me. How hard can that really be? Because you know full well I would not have closed the 405 for a single second today, especially when I have my own helicopter. And hey, I’m the president; they aren’t going to start anything without me! Yeah. I’m still mad. Whatever.