Don't call.

Hey, dude that sat at the table next to me last night—while I am well aware that slurping your noodles is perfectly permissable. And I am really not all that bothered that you are so afraid of eating alone that you feel the need to talk on your phone through your entire meal. Really. It’s kind of sad. But if you called me and slurped while talking, I’d totally hang up on you. Just so you know.