Confessional.

• I don’t actually LIKE whole wheat bread, I just eat it because I know it’s better for me than white bread.


• You know that room you see in a decorating magazine, the one that makes you say “Oh, it looks so cold and clinical”? I dream of living in that room. The one with no knick-knacks to dust, no rug to vacuum, no…clutter. In reality, I live amongst the detritus of two people, one who doesn’t like to throw things away (him) and one who gets tired of cleaning (me). All I would add to that cold, clinical room is a book shelf, otherwise they are getting stacked up on the floor.


• Even though I am from New Jersey, I don’t really like Bon Jovi.


• I let my cat eat off my fork sometimes. After I caught her licking my toothbrush I just figured there was no point in fighting.


• I would rather drink water than soda but water makes me have to go to the bathroom more often.


• I think I once got out of a speeding ticket because when I went take out my registration about a hundred tampons fell out of my glove box (that’s not a euphemism).


• I can’t always separate the art from the artist.


• I prefer the taste of “fakon” to bacon.


• I drink really cheap wine and really expensive whisky.


• I love to sleep but I dread going to sleep.


• I sometimes watch “Mama’s Family” late at night.


• I think the term “punk” is a misnomer when used in reference to the Ramones.


• I once purchased a Kip Winger album as penance.


• I judge books by their covers.


• I have considered buying those Oreo cookie crumbs that they sell to make pie crusts and just using them as breakfast cereal. I know they make an Oreo cereal but what’s the point when they actually make the cookie crumbs?